Evening Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

TV's top comedians spent the evening criticizing former President Donald Trump's just unveiled immigration initiative, labeled the "golden visa," describing it as a clear pay-to-play system for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Take

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he touches."

The subject was the new plan which permits overseas individuals to purchase U.S. residence for a sum of one million dollars, or "premium" version for 5 million. An official page guarantees approval "in record time."

"A quick note here to rich applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, involving significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough screening the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to revise that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval numbers during economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a bid to tackle cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.