These Advice given by My Father Which Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was just trying to survive for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the truth quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a good place. You require some help. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who still absorb damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a display of weakness to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - going on a short trip away, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the language of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they faced their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."